summer rain

few days ago, i found myself standing in an ocean shore. there were dark clouds over the horizon yet there were also traces of sunshine behind it. i do not know if it's going to rain or it's going to be sunny.

yet i prayed that it wont rain that day, coz there were things i have to do and i feel that i only have that day to do it. also, i never liked the rain's chilling effect on me.

then i held back in anticipation which would come first, and to my delight...the dark clouds were slowly moving away and gone, gone from my sight. my heart lifted up and pictures of things (i'd like to do and should do) started to form in my mind.

but before those pictures were even completed, it caught me by surprise, suddenly the wind started blowing in a different direction. then the rain, that inconsiderate rain ruined my day, or maybe, it was my attitude that ruined my day.

coz i know that it is all beyond my control and i can still choose to be happy even if it did rained. despite this fact, i still find it hard to change my perspective, to change the way i feel about it, because it's not what i expected.

just like some circumstances in my life, some are beyond my control. there were days that started out so happy like there were sunshine all over but suddenly, in just a matter of an instant, in one single word, it turned out the way i dont want them to be...rainy.

im sure i cannot blaim it on the rain (unpleasant circumstances), i only have myself to blaim coz i allowed it to get inside me, and i allowed myself to affect others as well. coz whether i like it or not, it's still gonna rain.

at the end of the day...i fell on my knees and prayed. i asked God to give me a humble heart that could take whatever He sends me, sunshine or rain.

meantime, i'l just keep on breathing, for tomorrow the sun may rise again or maybe the rain will come and who knows what will God send me.

regardless of the weather, i will choose to be happy.

melancholy

i dunno how i got hooked with these stuffs... perhaps it's wired in my genes, having a melancholic temperament more often than not made me appreciate this kind of expression (poetry). these days though, i tried to think with my feelings rather than being mr. emo. hehehe! i just thought of someone and recalled these poems, i have memorized them line by line...

i need to take a nap.. kulang lang sa siguro sa tulog..

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
author: e.e. cummings
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

**************************

Unseen Beauty
author: unknown
In all of my journeys in search of something
I've walked alone, I've walked with companion
Seems like I still couldn't find it
But what was it then that I was looking for?
Who are you that I sought of?
On what realm do you belong?
Do you hide upon those mountains that I've climbed?
Or settle upon the depths of those pitiless oceans?
Are you somewhere I still have to travel?
Or are you somewhere I've already been?
Whether I will or will not find the answer
I know somehow, sometime and somewhere...
You and I shall be together.